Humpday Meanderings...

Or: A New Grandmother's Musings

Thorne's world is soooo tiny today, and so big all at the same time. I seem to have (like Billy Pilgrim, or was it Kilgore Trout?) come unstuck in time. I look at the picture I posted of my baby, my Fawn - with her baby, and I see a young Thorne with her new daughter some 28 years ago. Fawn tells me of her feelings, her experiences in post operative healing and new motherness and suddenly I am awash in the memory of those very feelings. I sit here this morning, naked blogging with coffee as I am wont to do, and out of nowhere (and apropos of nothing obvious) the scent of fresh, clean menstrual blood fills my nostrils, and my long non menstrual uterus contracts with a remembered ache.

Songs chase each other through my mind. This morning it's the theme from Disney's Lion King, performed by Elton John (corny, I know; but there it is), followed by the recurring Garth Brooks melody
The Change

Every time I look at that precious baby, at our Bishop, our little prince, I can't help but think of this world and what his legacy might be. It's strange how indubitably a new life will lead the mind and heart toward hope and joy and potential and possibility. For a moment all fear and despair is banished. For a moment all I can feel is joy that this little man has a whole life ahead of him. All the beauty and joy inherent in the simple act of living. Of being. Of sunlight and moonlight, of the scent of growing things, the texture of a loving hand on his new skin, of a soft breeze, of rain to come and visions of sparkling snow and raging stormswept oceans...

Yes. Today Thorne's world is small and huge. Filled with a tiny pinpoint of light at the center that is this new and precious life, and expanded to encompass all the beauty and wonder that each life can contain. "For all its sham and drudgery..." a line from Desiderata, maybe??

Oh, beauty. Oh, Gods and Goddesses and Love and Light. I am afloat today, on the seas of gratitude.

The Change
--Garth Brooks
One hand
Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm.

And i hear them saying
you'll never change things and no matter
What you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that i am changing
i do this so
this world will know
that it will not change me.

This heart
Still believes
That love and mercy still exist.
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless
in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss.

And i hear them saying
you'll never change things and no matter
What you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that i am changing
i do this so
this world will know
that it will not change me.

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone.

And i hear them saying
you'll never change things and no matter
What you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that i am changing
i do this so
this world we know
never changes me.

What i do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

*edited # 1:47 AM on Thursday, April 26 to add the .MP3 player thanks to Betmo