Venusday Love - Friends and Lovers
Up early on this incredibly beautiful Venusday. Sipping my way through my second cuppa (most excellent Kona blend beans brought as a “tip” from a tattoo client who loves me!) Yummmmay! The Girlybloi is out n about for a couple hours this morning, readying my Mother-in-Law’s swamp cooler for our devastatingly hot desert summer, and picking up a few goodies for our Welcome to the Circle of Mother’s mom’sday celebration in honor of all of us moms but especially our new mom, Fawn, tomorrow.
This morning, having been on a severe Fibromyalgia Flare-Up for nearly a month now, I’m feeling especially grateful for my loving partner, and once again in awe of our love. I’m going to start our with a very relevent song:
Crush
--Dave Matthews Band
And a few entries from my old journals after a lil backstory, (and then I’ll post some sexy links for everybody!)
Our Story
I met my GirlyBoi in 1985, in a “Videotech” (remember those?? Back when MTV made it’s debut, all of a sudden live bands in bars were passe. Instead, we danced to blaring stereo systems with huge screens and “VJ’s”). I was a cocktail waitress, my voluptous self burstingout of my uniform of white short-shorts and a girly “T” with the bar logo on it. I was a full time art student, saving money for a trip to Europe. I had a boyfriend at home. (My only live-in in 8 years of being a single mom). He was on his way out, but I hadn’t quite figured out how to send him packin’.
She was hot. She was a dancin’ fool and always stood (never sat) at the end of a row of booths, closest to the dance floor. She wore a typical '80's dyke “mullet”, that with her natural dark brown curls, framed her beautiful face perfectly. She had perfectly straight white teeth and blue eyes so deep you could swim in them, a tight body with narrow boyish hips, contrasted by a perfect heart shaped ass, sheathed in the style of the day; parachute pants. Slick and shiny and just tight enough. She topped the look off with a variety of boyish t-shirts and polos, with a vest. Every time I saw her my stomach was in my throat.
I used to trade sections with the other “tails”, so I could wait on her, and with my usual confidence, decided I had to have her and set about my seduction.
A month later, when I left for Europe, I still hadn’t managed to hook that lil fishy. She was sweet, a great tipper, we danced on my breaks; we flirted and she seemed to like me, but that was it. No moves, no kiss, no asking me out for breakfast after shift.
What was up with that??? How could she possibly resist my girlish charms? Hadn’t I seduced the best of them? Had nary a man from college instructor to doctor failed to fall under my spell once I chose to bewitch them?
Waaaiiiit a minute. Men. They were all men.
Oh, I’d played with girls, in group of mutual fun sexual experimentation, but those were bi girls, (like me??). Sexual pioneers and players, free love and love the one you’re with-ers.
The fact was, I’d never seduced a lesbian. I realized that my subtle “come hither” looks, intently hanging on her every word, complimentary flirting, and sensual hand on hand or hair brushed from her face gestures were not cutting it. The things that would have had anything with a penis panting and paying for the motel room, seemed to be lost on this lil butch. What was a grrrrlll to do??
Fact was, I was scared to death. What if I was reading everything wrong? What if she didn’t want me, wasn’t attracted to me?? I had nothing-no experience by which to gage my seduction efforts nor her response. What if, Goddess forbid, I made a stronger play and was rejected?!! Oh, horror of horrors!!! It wasn’t like I’d never had to be a sort of pro-active aggressor before. There was the occasional male who was just too shy to take that final step, and I had no problem by that point, doing what was necessary to get the ball rolling. But I was sure of all the signs, the signals with men. It seemed that with a woman I was in uncharted waters!!
So if I tell the truth, I went to Europe for 3 weeks, and It took me another month after my return to be sure enough and get the courage to take the next step. Egads, I still hadn’t managed to get the boyfriend to move out, but I’d all but broken up with him despite his whining, and was rarin’ to go. I wanted this grrrlll like I’d never wanted anyone in my life. The forbidden fruit was dangling right within reach, if I could only reach out and pluck it, it would be the sweetest taste of my existence. I just knew it.
Tammy and I were “buddies” by now, and when I took an early shift off, it was nothing new for me to hang out and party with her. We had a few drinks, went to the bathroom to do a line, and that was it. It was my moment, and I knew it. Just before she opened the bathroom door for me on the way back to the dance floor, I turned around and kissed her.
Seriously. Sensuously, Slowly.
I stopped. Smiled.
Without a word, turned to go out.
She grabbed my arm and asked “What the hell was that”? I smiled. “But...” she stammered, “You’ve got a boyfriend”!
I grabbed her hand and pulled her back toward the dance floor, replying, “What’s a kiss between friends”?
That was it. She was mine.
And although I didn’t know it at the time; mine forever. We loved and made love. Went in and out of our relationship and friendship mode for the next 4 years. She was my one girl love, and I was still chasing the heterosexual dream. She was there to pick me up and rub my back and make love to me, or not; at my whim, between “boys”. She was my heart and soul, but I didn’t know how to be a lesbian.
To make a long story longer, I lost her for almost 10 years. I broke up with her completely in order to marry my Jerry. My “soulmale”, knowing that with her as my safety net, I’d never give myself completely to my relationship with him. In 1998, he died. I thought I was done with men. He was “the one”, and I loved him deeply and completely. I had come to realize that I was a gay woman who just happened to love a man. In my vulnerability and confusion in the wake of his death all I could do for weeks was alternate between wishing he weren’t gone, and wanting my Tammy’s love and comfort. But she was long lost to me, and I didn’t know how to find her or even if I should try to look. I was afraid to find a woman for fear of breaking her heart the way I did my Tammy, and in the end, stayed with what I knew; the comfortable ease of heterosexual relationships, where I knew the responses; understood how to play the game.
Providence reunited Tammy in 1999, and we renewed our “friendship”, but talked of our love only in the past tense. Then came the day that always came sooner or later. The beginning of the end of another straight relationship. Another man I’d tried to love. A broken man, terribly damaged, who I tried to fix, and ended up broken, myself.
I began searching for a girl. Signed up on tickle and some other partner seeking sites, and discovered soon that I was a fool. I wanted none of them. It was Tammy I was seeking. She wasn’t there. She was MIA again in her wandering life, and I hadn’t heard from her in some time. I’ll let my old journals tell the story from there:
That’s it, in a nutshell. I love.
If you’ve made it this far , you surely deserve a reward so here are your Venusday Love Links!!
My first 2 recommendations follow the theme of friends and lovers, that I’ve begun by telling “our” story.
The first is a rowdy fuckathon between couples, the second a secret affair between two wives with the added titlilation (sp?) of the threat of getting caught.
My third offering is a well written erotic retelling of “Beauty and the Beast”, that I found under a genre/fetish heading of “Furry”. I’ve heard a little of this furry fetish, but don’t really get the whole deal. I think this one requires a bit more research.
Yummy! She's home!! Ta, everyone!
Enjoy! And remember:
This morning, having been on a severe Fibromyalgia Flare-Up for nearly a month now, I’m feeling especially grateful for my loving partner, and once again in awe of our love. I’m going to start our with a very relevent song:
Crush
--Dave Matthews Band
And a few entries from my old journals after a lil backstory, (and then I’ll post some sexy links for everybody!)
Our Story
I met my GirlyBoi in 1985, in a “Videotech” (remember those?? Back when MTV made it’s debut, all of a sudden live bands in bars were passe. Instead, we danced to blaring stereo systems with huge screens and “VJ’s”). I was a cocktail waitress, my voluptous self burstingout of my uniform of white short-shorts and a girly “T” with the bar logo on it. I was a full time art student, saving money for a trip to Europe. I had a boyfriend at home. (My only live-in in 8 years of being a single mom). He was on his way out, but I hadn’t quite figured out how to send him packin’.
She was hot. She was a dancin’ fool and always stood (never sat) at the end of a row of booths, closest to the dance floor. She wore a typical '80's dyke “mullet”, that with her natural dark brown curls, framed her beautiful face perfectly. She had perfectly straight white teeth and blue eyes so deep you could swim in them, a tight body with narrow boyish hips, contrasted by a perfect heart shaped ass, sheathed in the style of the day; parachute pants. Slick and shiny and just tight enough. She topped the look off with a variety of boyish t-shirts and polos, with a vest. Every time I saw her my stomach was in my throat.
I used to trade sections with the other “tails”, so I could wait on her, and with my usual confidence, decided I had to have her and set about my seduction.
A month later, when I left for Europe, I still hadn’t managed to hook that lil fishy. She was sweet, a great tipper, we danced on my breaks; we flirted and she seemed to like me, but that was it. No moves, no kiss, no asking me out for breakfast after shift.
What was up with that??? How could she possibly resist my girlish charms? Hadn’t I seduced the best of them? Had nary a man from college instructor to doctor failed to fall under my spell once I chose to bewitch them?
Waaaiiiit a minute. Men. They were all men.
Oh, I’d played with girls, in group of mutual fun sexual experimentation, but those were bi girls, (like me??). Sexual pioneers and players, free love and love the one you’re with-ers.
The fact was, I’d never seduced a lesbian. I realized that my subtle “come hither” looks, intently hanging on her every word, complimentary flirting, and sensual hand on hand or hair brushed from her face gestures were not cutting it. The things that would have had anything with a penis panting and paying for the motel room, seemed to be lost on this lil butch. What was a grrrrlll to do??
Fact was, I was scared to death. What if I was reading everything wrong? What if she didn’t want me, wasn’t attracted to me?? I had nothing-no experience by which to gage my seduction efforts nor her response. What if, Goddess forbid, I made a stronger play and was rejected?!! Oh, horror of horrors!!! It wasn’t like I’d never had to be a sort of pro-active aggressor before. There was the occasional male who was just too shy to take that final step, and I had no problem by that point, doing what was necessary to get the ball rolling. But I was sure of all the signs, the signals with men. It seemed that with a woman I was in uncharted waters!!
So if I tell the truth, I went to Europe for 3 weeks, and It took me another month after my return to be sure enough and get the courage to take the next step. Egads, I still hadn’t managed to get the boyfriend to move out, but I’d all but broken up with him despite his whining, and was rarin’ to go. I wanted this grrrlll like I’d never wanted anyone in my life. The forbidden fruit was dangling right within reach, if I could only reach out and pluck it, it would be the sweetest taste of my existence. I just knew it.
Tammy and I were “buddies” by now, and when I took an early shift off, it was nothing new for me to hang out and party with her. We had a few drinks, went to the bathroom to do a line, and that was it. It was my moment, and I knew it. Just before she opened the bathroom door for me on the way back to the dance floor, I turned around and kissed her.
Seriously. Sensuously, Slowly.
I stopped. Smiled.
Without a word, turned to go out.
She grabbed my arm and asked “What the hell was that”? I smiled. “But...” she stammered, “You’ve got a boyfriend”!
I grabbed her hand and pulled her back toward the dance floor, replying, “What’s a kiss between friends”?
That was it. She was mine.
And although I didn’t know it at the time; mine forever. We loved and made love. Went in and out of our relationship and friendship mode for the next 4 years. She was my one girl love, and I was still chasing the heterosexual dream. She was there to pick me up and rub my back and make love to me, or not; at my whim, between “boys”. She was my heart and soul, but I didn’t know how to be a lesbian.
To make a long story longer, I lost her for almost 10 years. I broke up with her completely in order to marry my Jerry. My “soulmale”, knowing that with her as my safety net, I’d never give myself completely to my relationship with him. In 1998, he died. I thought I was done with men. He was “the one”, and I loved him deeply and completely. I had come to realize that I was a gay woman who just happened to love a man. In my vulnerability and confusion in the wake of his death all I could do for weeks was alternate between wishing he weren’t gone, and wanting my Tammy’s love and comfort. But she was long lost to me, and I didn’t know how to find her or even if I should try to look. I was afraid to find a woman for fear of breaking her heart the way I did my Tammy, and in the end, stayed with what I knew; the comfortable ease of heterosexual relationships, where I knew the responses; understood how to play the game.
Providence reunited Tammy in 1999, and we renewed our “friendship”, but talked of our love only in the past tense. Then came the day that always came sooner or later. The beginning of the end of another straight relationship. Another man I’d tried to love. A broken man, terribly damaged, who I tried to fix, and ended up broken, myself.
I began searching for a girl. Signed up on tickle and some other partner seeking sites, and discovered soon that I was a fool. I wanted none of them. It was Tammy I was seeking. She wasn’t there. She was MIA again in her wandering life, and I hadn’t heard from her in some time. I’ll let my old journals tell the story from there:
Oh. My. Gawdess.,"So, what's the deal??? I always say, be careful what you pray (ask) for, right?? Why?? Cuz you just might get it. And I've been so careful...I thought. I didn't do any actual magickal work. No spells, petitions....not even a lil candle. Of course I've been thinking of her. How could I not?? She was my one girl love.
Ever.
Always. But how fucked up is that? I knew, even after all these years she'd come if I called. So I didn't call. And I didn't call. And I didn't mean to dream of her. I've studiously avoided even fantasizing about her. Lately tho my thoughts just kept turning to her..and I'd be worried. Concerned. We have this connection, you see.....
Still, I couldn't trust my own motives, given my rising libido, my XX's position on sex...my feelings about it. Not wanting to just have an affair that's only sex, but not wanting anything that would impact or compromise my marriage in any way, and absolutely not being willing to break another heart. Because grrrlllzzz fall in love. And no matter, I knew it would only be a matter of time, if I became involved with a grrl, before she would be hurt. And my sweet Tammette?? The grrrl love of my life and lifetime friend?? Sure, I could have called her. I didn't. I was afraid my need would pour over her like water and she'd come running (again) to save me from drowning. And oh...how sweet. And how good. And then her precious heart would break yet again. So I didn't call.
But today she called me.
And my heart pounded like it would burst from my chest and sprout wings and fly.
And my tummy was sick with fluttering butterflies.
And the heat rising from between my thighs threatened to choke me.
And I swore to myself I wouldn't tell her.
But then she told me how lonely she was....
and I laughingly said we should hook up and fix each other for awhile....
and the love in her voice when she said ""what's wrong, babe""? Broke my heart and my vow and my resolve and in tears I told her all.
And now I can't stop thinking of her. She's supposed to call me tonight and I'm like a teenager waiting for a crush to call. My heart and body are on fire and I want her sooo bad!!!
I want to lie in bed with her like we used to and spend hours just kissing. I want to lie back and let her love and worship me like only she can. I want to cup her small breasts in my hands and....Oh, Goddess, she is so beautiful!!!
This is so messed up. I must have sent my need out to her. That's what sux sometimes about being a witch!! *wild cackle* You have to be so fucking careful!!!!
Damn!
And what if she does come out to visit?
Can we love again?
Can we fill the need in each other without breaking each other's hearts yet again?
So, anyway...about a year and a half ago I thought briefly about having a girl lover...even almost got something serious going, but although she is a dear friend, she was too insecure and needy and demanding. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells....
Besides....
the whole truth is, that no matter that I've ""played"" with a few women (mostly in fun group or 3some settings), back in my wild single days
Tammette
is
the
only
grrrllll
that has ever done
it
for me.
Ever. Period.
And I think that's probably because I loved her.
(Also because she's the sexiest lil soft butch I've ever seen!!! She's the perfect lil boi-grrrlll. Pretty face, soft and tough in just the right mixture. Never confused about who or what she is. Just fucking beautiful/sexy/hot!! And damn, can that girl dance! And kiss. And play bass. And kiss. and sing. And kiss.
did I mention kiss??!! *cackle*
And I'm sooo excited that she's coming! All sex aside, it's true. I always get this way about seeing her. Good Goddess....she's the longest, truest love of my life. 20 years!!! I haven't seen her for almost 2 years. We said we were gonna take this part slow, but it's so foolish! We were talking on AIM today and I just said ""so when are you coming??"" And she had some small financial concerns, so I just went online and got the ticket!!! So, that was that!!!
Tammette came into Berdoo at 8:30 and I picked her up at the station. When I pulled up I could hardly breathe for excitement. I literally thought my heart was gonna explode (It was almost freakin' scary...like a super intense panic attack!! *L*) She was so beautiful, and perfect and absolutely my Tammette. I hugged her and we held each other and kissed a lil hello...and nervous-talked and I could hardly keep my eyes on the road for wanting to drink her beauty until I was drunk on her. And I just heard her stir...and I've taken too long a break from the computer now, to be able to finish.....(It's about an hour of cuddles later than when I started this update! *g*)
The summary is this:
I'm still as absolutely in love with this woman as ever I was.
She still adores me as if we were together through all these years.
I can't stop looking a her....touching her....kissing (*cackle* ...Uh-did I mention that grrrlll can KISS?!!!) I almost can't believe that this is real.
My heart seems to have taken up permanent residence in my throat.
I love....
Oh, Goddess, I love.......",
That’s it, in a nutshell. I love.
If you’ve made it this far , you surely deserve a reward so here are your Venusday Love Links!!
My first 2 recommendations follow the theme of friends and lovers, that I’ve begun by telling “our” story.
The first is a rowdy fuckathon between couples, the second a secret affair between two wives with the added titlilation (sp?) of the threat of getting caught.
My third offering is a well written erotic retelling of “Beauty and the Beast”, that I found under a genre/fetish heading of “Furry”. I’ve heard a little of this furry fetish, but don’t really get the whole deal. I think this one requires a bit more research.
Yummy! She's home!! Ta, everyone!
Enjoy! And remember:
Make Love, Not War!!!
Labels: beauty and the beast, friends, furry, jerry, lovers, our story, venusday love
